In 25 years of being a clumsy person, I feel it's my duty to prepare the next generation for their long-term relationship with Murphy's Law. There are things you can only learn the hard way and trust me, I learned them the hard way. So consider this your survival guide to being "born this way", and just go with it.
1. Murphy's Law is selective; it's like winning the lottery. you have been branded. No matter what anyone says, IT'S YOU. It's not the furniture, it's not bad luck, it's not the people around you, it's just you. The door frame did not move, the table was always there, and it is not your shoes. You were born this way. Now let's move on.
2. Band-Aids are a necessity of life for you. You should always have at least one (preferrably two). Your purse, your pocket, your car, inside your iphone cover, be prepared. Hint: The fabric band-aids are the best ones, they stay on even when wet, and they breathe. Forget about the cutesy patterns on the others, fabric is the way to go. P.S. Liquid band-aid stings like a mother fucker, just thought you should know.
3. Your wounds can predict the weather. Congratulations on your newfound astrological talents. Now move somewhere warm where it never rains.
4. There are some bruises that look undeniably like someone beat you. Trust me, they never believe "I walked into a door" -no, not even if they've seen you walk into dozens of doors, tables, and other inanimate objects before. Stick with "I'm so clumsy I'm practically disabled". Telling them about how you fell into the shelving in the canned soup aisle at Giant isn't going to help.
5. If you've gone more than a month without hurting yourself, you're overdue.
6. Physical therapy hurts. It's supposed to hurt. Suck it up and go anyway.
7. Being double insured sounds like a good idea in theory. It's not. Just trust me on this one.
8. Drink your milk. Having strong bones is the difference between a bruised bone and a broken bone. Really, keep your body healthy in general will keep you intact longer. One of the biggest things they do in physical therapy is strengthen the rest of your body to make up for the damaged part. Keep it strong to begin with and you won't have to work so hard.
9. Support braces are not fun. They itch, they're uncomfortable, and in general they're designed to restrict movement. Wear them anyway. However, having had my share of support accessories, I highly recommend comfort cool and kinesio tape. The first is currently the most comfortable brace I've had to date and the second is basically fabric tape (kind of like a bandaid) that stimulates circulation and supports muscles and ligaments. It helps. I buy it on amazon.
10. Your clumsiness affects other people. While you may be the primary target, the people around you are often casualties.
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